Other Just for Fun Articles: Out of the Mouths of Babes—parents share their own (Cancer)Kids say the darndest things! You Know You're the Parent of a Kid with Cancer When...—the Squirrel Tales Flagship Piece! You Know You're the Babysitter of a Kid with Cancer When...—the sequel to ... You Know You're a Teenager with Cancer When...—our newest ... Prednisone!—(if you're the parent of a kid with cancer ... 'nuff said) Stinky Cheese—The spoilage factor with CKs... I live by this credo: 'Have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness.' Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations. Even in your darkest moment, you usually can find something to laugh about if you try hard enough. If I can make people laugh, then I have served my purpose for God.' —By Red Skelton

Word o' the Day argot \AHR-go; -gut\, noun: —A specialized and often secret vocabulary and idiom peculiar to a particular group. (Dictionary.Com) All families have developed their own special lingo—argot—(as I now know it's called) based on something fun or unusual, but in our family of childhood cancer, we have much more cause for developing our own way to communicate. All of these "terms" are gleaned from your inputs--whether in answer to one of the questionnaires, the guestbook, or even in just your with me. I'll bet we can come up with a lot more--just let me know! We used to call shots, mostly blood draws, "sticks" until we went home for the first time after diagnosis. Garrett was just learning to talk and had been pointing at things and asking what they were. He was in the front yard and pointed to a tree limb on the lawn. I told him, "That's a stick" and he ran in the house crying! It took him all day to go back outside again because the thought the "stick" would hurt him!" Ricky C. My son Adam was diagnosed with meddullblatstoma at the age of 3; before he was to have surgery to remove it, we spoiled him rotten and gave him anything he wanted ( I am sure every parent of a cancer child can relate). Well he LOVED Oat BrandTM which we called "dog food" (because that's what it looke like!). The dreaded day came when Adam had to have surgery. His medication made him so hungry, and he had to fast the whole night before. We were sitting in the waiting room all scared and quiet when all of a sudden Adam burst into tears crying that he was hungry. That went on for about 10 minutes and he was getting angrier and angrier (medicines were terrible for that) and crying and we were getting stares and all kinds of looks. Finally he yelled out LOUDLY...... "I WANT DOG FOOD TO EAT!!!" and everybody's mouths dropped open. We were so embarrassed that we felt the need to share with everybody in the waiting room it was Oat BranTM :)

"A good sense of humor helps us in many ways. It helps us understand the orthodox, tolerate the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected, and survive the unbearable." —Gene Brown A joyful heart is good medicine But a broken spirit dries up the bones. —Wise King Solomon Proverb 17:22 Some Other Daffynitions ACCORDIAN: A bagpipe with pleats ANGLER: A guy who, first of all, lies in wait for a fish, then lies in weight after he lands it. ANTACID: Uncle Acid's wife. ARBITRATOR: A cook who leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do. BABY: A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. BALONEY: Where some hemlines fall. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage. BOIL: The point a parent reaches upon hearing the automatic "Yuck" before a food is even tasted. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with. CANNIBAL: person who likes to see other people stewed. CARTOONIST: What you call your auto mechanic. CASSEROLE: Combination of favorite foods that go uneaten because they are mixed together. COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone. COMMITTEE: a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours." —Milton Berle COMPLAINT: A grief resume. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets. DECREASE: De fold in your pants. DERMATOLOGIST: A person who makes rash judgments. DESSERT: The reason for eating a meal. DILATE: When a person lives longer. DIVORCE: postgraduate in School of Love. ECLIPSE: What a gardener does to your hedge. EGOCENTRIC: a person who believes he is everything you know you are. EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver. ENDORSE: The last one in the race. EVAPORATE: Magic trick performed by children when it comes time to clear the table or wash dishes. EXPANSION SLOTS:The extra holes in your belt buckle. FISHING: a jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end. FISH-WRAPPER: Newspaper. FLIRTING: Wishful winking. FOREIGN FILM: any movie shown in Texas theater that isn't a western. FRUIT: A natural sweet not to be confused with dessert GRATEFUL: Fireplace needs cleaning out. GROSS IGNORANCE: 144 times worse than ordinary ignorance. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does. INVERSE: Rhyming. JUVENILE DELINQENTS: Other people's kids. LEFT BANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of loot. MAGAZINE: bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue. MISTY: How golfers create divots. NITRATE: Cheapest price for calling long distance. OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings. OPTIMIST: girl who regards a bulge as a curve. PANDEMONIUM: Housing development for pandas. PARISITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower. PEOPLE: some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened. PIONEER: early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods. POLITICIAN: A fellow who will lay down your life for his country. REFRIGERATOR: A very expensive and inefficient room air conditioner and art gallery. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife. SALESMAN: man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink. SELF-CONTROL: the ability to eat only one peanut. SODA POP: Shake 'N Spray. STRESS: When you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. SUBURBIA: Where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official. SUPERVISION: 20/20 sight. SWIMMING POOL: a mob of people with water in it. TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity. TRAFFIC LIGHT: apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches. TABLE LEG: Percussion instrument. THURSDAY: How you feel crossing the desert on a hot day. UNIVERSE: All-purpose poem. WAREHOUSE: What you ask for when you're lost. When some doctors were asked to contribute to the construction of a new wing at the hospital...... The allergists voted to scratch it. The anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas. The cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. The dermatologists preferred no rash moves. The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it. The internists thought it was a hard pill to swallow. The microsurgeons were thinking along the same vein. The neurologists thought the administration "had a lot of nerve". The obstetricians stated they were laboring under a misconception. The ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted The orthopedists issued a joint resolution. The otologists were deaf to the idea. The parasitologists said, "Well, if you encyst". The pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!". The pediatricians said, "Grow up!" The plastic surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter". The podiatrists thought it was a big step forward. The proctologists said, "We are in arrears". The psychiatrists thought it was madness. The radiologists could see right through it. The surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water. You might be a nurse if... ~ You avoid unhealthy looking peoples in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off. ~ It doesn't bother you to eat a candy bar with one hand while performing digital stimulation on your patient with the other hand. ~ You've had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring and twelve earrings say, "I'm afraid of shots." ~ You've ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level. ~ You believe every waiting room should have a Valium salt lick. ~ You have your weekends off planned a year in advance. ~ You have ever had a patient control his seizures when offered food. ~ You know it's a full moon without having to look at the sky. While I was working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her shot. "NO! NO! NO!" she screamed. "Lizzie," her mother scolded. "That's not polite behavior." At that, the girl yelled even louder, "NO, THANK YOU! NO, THANK YOU! NO, THANK YOU!" The middle-aged man was shuffling along, bent over at the waist, as his wife helped him into the doctor's waiting room. A woman in the office viewed the scene in sympathy. "Arthritis with complications?" she asked. The wife shook her head, "No .... Do-it-yourself," she explained, "with concrete blocks." A woman was waiting for a diagnosis of her husband's illness. The doctor came to her with a dour expression and said, "I don't like the look of him." The man's wife said, "I don't either, but he's good to the children." "Doctors automatically know what's wrong with you. They have a sick sense." —Beau M., age 10 A young lady walked over to the hospital room where she knew her friend was. "May I see Irving, please?" she asked the woman blocking the door. "We don't allow anyone but relatives to see the patients." replied the woman. "Are you a member of the family?" "Why-er-why, yes. I'm his sister," said the young lady. "Oh, I'm so glad to meet you," said the women. "I'm his mother!" Songs from the Hospital Hit Parade: 'I'll be Sewing you.' 'Red Cells in the Sunset.' 'It's Spleen a Long, Long Time.' 'It Had to Be Flu.' 'On the Bonny Banks of Glaucoma.' 'Gonna Take a Sentimental Gurney.' 'The Staphs and Streps Forever.' 'Old Man's Liver.' 'I've Grown Accustomed to Her Brace.' 'The Girl from Emphasema.' 'MRI Blue.' 'My Melancolicky Baby.' 'From Here to Maternity.'

-A- -B- Bad Football Tumor Big Back Shots Bone marrow aspirations Back Shots with Chemo Spinals Baseball Diamond Tattoos for radiation Baseball Mitt Mediport Beads Stephanie's broviac lines—when she moved around they sounded like beads on a necklace Bed Hospital Inpatient Floor Beep Beep The infrared ear thermometer because it beeps twice when it has a reading. "Beer"-atrol (buretrol) Alex tells other kids he gets beer at the hospital in his "beeratrol." One of his nurses picked up on the pronunciation and played along. Now we all do! Brenda Bradbury Bend-Over Room Our 2 year old calls the treatment room where she gets spinal taps the "bend over room." Benedine Sunshine soap Big Banana Medicine Bactrim® Bioptions That's what Marissa calls her biopsy sites Blood Pressure Checking your BP = Checking your muscles Blood Sucker The machine used to harvest stem cells for transplant (phoresis). Bone Marrow Transportation What Kimmy was looking forward to after the test results came back good. which is directly related to Elizabeth's Bow & Arrow transplant. Bottle Caps Vital Signs. Bryanna told me one day at her check-up she was ready for her bottle caps." Bottle caps?" I asked with a confused look on my face. "Yes " she patiently explained, "you know , when she weighs me and gets my blood pressure " Brown Soap Bentadine Big Bird and Cookie Monster They were Christine's yellow and blue lumens on her central line. BooBoo Jack's tumor. "Henry" is the name of 2 year old Connor's IV pole. We really don't know why. Possibly after Henry the Octopus from The Wiggles videos? And when "Henry" starts beeping Connor says "shu shu mouff, Henry." Bribe-cicles Popcicles® with an atttitude! Bubble Incisional hernia Bubble Gum BactrimTM Bug soup with a tooth and a snake in it liquid 6 TG (thioguanene) Butter Medicine Prednisone is "butter medicine" because Alexa takes her medicine in a lump of butter to hide the taste and make it go down a little easier. -C- Chemo Trucks Some of Marissa's chemo was sent via FED EX® to her house so she could finish the treatment at home. All FED EX trucks are now "chemo trucks." Chicken Skin Dressing change adhesive "Come See Me" the noise the medipumps made when needing attention. Creamed Corn Bone marrow being infused for a transplant (it really smells like it!) and the odor that lingers afterwards. CT Scan Riding the Donut -D- Ding-Ding Bells What you hear when the infusion pump goes off. Doctor Wagon Max's IV Pole Doughnut camera Michael's name for the MRI machine Doxorubicin Dr. Rubinson = Doxorubicin (Adriamycin) Drinky Medicine Bactrim® Drippy Joshua's IV Pole. -E- Eating Place This is how Jack could tell the difference between the inpatient floor and clinic—he usually didn't get to eat at clinic. "Elmo" and "Casper" Collin's red and white lumens on his central line. Emla • Elmo Cream • Toothpaste • Magic Cream Ernie & Bert William's brovic lumens, also known as" the guys." -F- Flagyll Face The face Peder made when he had to take this yucky medicine. Freddie Morgan's port-a-cath Funny Nap Sedation for spinals--ketamine/versed -G- -H- Hamburger in a Bag* The name dad gave to PJ's TPN mixture. Henry "Henry" is the name of 2 year old Connor's IV pole. We really don't know why. Possibly after Henry the Octopus from The Wiggles videos? And when "Henry" starts beeping Connor says "shu shu mouff, Henry." Hickey Doodey Ryan's hickman catheter Hungry Medicine Kevin's "megace" -I- IV Poles The Robot ... A couple of teenagers at Riley Hospital For Children called their IV poles their dancing partners...also the "boyfriends" they couldn't get rid of... -J- -K- Kool-Aid® Emma's Danorubicin (chemo). (See also: Orange Juice below: "what can I say, I guess Em thinks everything looks like a juice!") -L- Lizzard Guts Emla Cream® (smile--I'd like to hear more about that!) Leg (or arm) Squeeze Blood Pressure. At first, we said leg or arm "hug," but Matthew didn't like that at all because hugs are supposed to be good and a blood pressure check does kinda hurt for a 2 year old. So we call it a squeeze and he gets to squeeze my finger as hard as he can. He's much happier about it now. Katrina Little Banana Medicine Nystatin® Loopy Medicine Versed3My son liked it when he was loopy -M- Medical Student Individual learning to be come a doctor. Can be identifed by the scared look on their face. Beware: will not correct you if you address them as "doctor." Melty Medicine Predisone Microphones Peder's name for his Hickman caps. Milk Garrett's word for propaphol, which makes the anesthesiologists the "milk men!" Milk in the Nose What Derrik refers to when talking about contrast for an upper GI Monster We would ask where Zack's monster was and he would point to his tummy. That is where his tumor was. Muscle Juice IV medicine (when she gets the juice she can chase her brother around again!) -N- Rab C. Nesbit My nephew has a Rhabdomysarcoma, which none of the family can pronounce. So my husband Phill nicknamed it 'Rab C. Nesbit.' Former residents of Scotland should see the joke. It is the name of a well known Scottish TV comedy. Nipple A younger sibling identifies a nipple as "my port site" -O- Orange Juice Emma's Platelet transfusions. See also Kool-Aid® To Haley, it's her Nystatin Ouchie Any poke or needle, anything which would cause pain. -P- Peanut Butter Soup Betadine Solution Pictures X-rays Pipes or Tubies Jack's name for his central line. Play-a-ria (said with a huge accent!!) This is what big brother William called the "play area" where the siblings of inpatient hem/onc kids can go to visit and play. Plumbing What Derrik calls his Hickman and his GJ tube Poison I.V. Smiles, there are other reasons to go to the doctor, you know! Present Zone Prednisone, as in, "Oh, no, not Present Zone medicine again!" Procedure Willi's spinal (only 5 years old!). He's a strange child—he loves his "procedures" because he likes getting woozy. -Q- -R- RV Anthony, a 5-year-old with Ewing's Sarcoma, calls his IV Pole his R.V. Random Preds Sometimes it makes him hungry or fussy sometimes it doesn't. -S- Shadow What we would call Zack's IV pole. Where ever he went so did his shadow. Shake & Bake Amphotericin. Sleepy Room Where Stephanie goes to get her LP'S and BMA'S Sike Stephanie's broviac site Sit & Wait "Sit & Wait" soon replaced Scott & White! Sleepy Cream Emla® Sleepy medicine Demarol, Thorazine, Versed and Propafol Squeezy Arm Joshua's name for the blood pressure device. Statue Scissors Hemastats Stick Man Jessica's IV pole Sticks Shots Steak in a Bag* TPN - total patient nutrition!! Stinky chemo Is everyone in agreement that a precise definition is not necessary? Straws The IV and the medicine is called muscle juice - the only way to get a less-than-2-year old to sit still (when she gets the juice she can chase her brother around again!) Sunny Delight Platelets -T- Taco in a Bag* What Derrik calls TPN because the bag says it is made in Mexico. Tail Haley's central line. TPN Hamburger in a bag Steak in a bag Taco in a bag Trees IV poles Tributaries all the branches of tubing for multiple IVs. Triumph "Try" with a little "umph" added Tube: Broviac Line "Giving the tube a drink:" Saline and Heparin flush (complete with drinking noises) Tubey Jessica's brovaic. Video Room ER Room -U- -V- Vitamins Thioguanene -W- Wiggly Joshua's Hickman Line Wookemia Willi's description of his diagnosis! Woozy Medicine Versed given for spinals -X- -Y- Yucky Stuff Prednisone -Z- Zippers Incision scars Zucchinia Mommy, does that boy in the playroom have "Zucchinia" like me? Weslyn, dx with ALL Zucchinia on Sept. 17, 2001

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