The Discovery
Small cell carcinoma of an aggressive type. I knew what it really was. It was CANCER! As a pastor, I had heard the term often. I had heard of many who were diagnosed. I had been by the bedside of many who had suffered from the ravages of cancer. I had often waited with parishioners as they underwent surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation treatments, and other medical procedures related to cancer treatment. Nothing prepared me to hear that word applied to someone in my own family. With one brief visit by the doctor, cancer had become tragically personal. Now cancer was something my mother would have to endure. In less than three months, Mom had gone through three rounds of chemotherapy, loss of hair and appetite, nausea, hospitalizations, and death. In those short weeks, the reality of a terminal illness hit home. Not only would my mother teach me about life, but she also would teach me about dying. As a fellow sojourner in the path of grief and loss, these were lessons God allowed me the privilege to learn through the illness of my mother.

Seize the Day
My mother was only 52 years old when she was diagnosed with cancer. The brevity and shortness of life hit me like a slap in the face. We only have a short time and no time to waste in our lives. So many people want to wait to enjoy the experience of life until circumstances are different. Some wait to seize the day until their income is increased or their health is better; others are waiting until their education is complete or their job situation is more secure. Mom's situation taught me that these things and events are not guaranteed.

James wrote in his letter, "What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes" (James 4:14). Life is short and while there is time, we must seek to invest our lives in things that genuinely matter. We should not put off reconciling relationships, accomplishing great tasks, and making a difference in our world. Seize the day while you can because life is short.

Prioritize Relationships
The secular culture of our day uses the shortness of life as an excuse for the "eat, drink, and be merry" approach to life. The reality of terminal ill illness for the believer is not an excuse for sin but an opportunity to align our lives with godly priorities. Seizing the day allows us to live to our fullest, God-given potential in the days that we have numbered on the earth. We must prioritize what is most important.

There was a period of rime in our relationship where Mom and I did not get along. In the two years prior to her diagnosis, reconciliation had taken place. When she was ill, both of us celebrated and thanked God that our relationship was strong when the illness hit.

During those last days at the hospital we saw a parade of individuals coming to visit. Some had been with Mom throughout her ordeal; others had known Mom for years but only recently heard about her illness. Some were close to her; others had been alienated from her for some time. It was a joyous thing to see broken relationships healed and mended before she passed away.

One clear lesson was fought in those last hours: Don't wait until death is knocking on the door to reconcile and mend broken relationships. So much joy is lost and pain inflicted by refusing to redeem relationships.

Mom's illness taught me what is really important. It is not the amount of things you own, money you possess, or the positions you hold. The illness taught me to value and nurture the relationships in life.

Confess Your Emotions
Emotions, especially for men, are not easily acknowledged. Often we deny our emotions. Honesty with our emotions with ourselves, with others, and with God is necessary.

We need to be honest with ourselves so that we can begin the process of grief and healing. Sharing our emotions with others enables them to minister to us. We need to willing to be willing to be open and vulnerable to ourselves and others.

Ultimately, we need to be honest with God. God is big enough to handle our anger, fear, resentment, apprehension, worry, grief, and sorrow. Some people are afraid to confess their deepest emotions to because they feel that it will make them, somehow, less Christian. However, God knows our thoughts, our minds, our feelings and our emotions already. Through confessing my deepest emotions, God allowed me to experience healing and cleansing.

Permit Others to Minister
Sometimes we think that we need to have our acts together in front of others. We want to put on an appearance of strength. In so doing, we rob others of the chance to encourage and lift us up.

My congregation was expressive of their love and support for my family. When the need was made known, letters and cards were sent to Mom, even though many had not met her. Oftentimes people sought to express concern, compassion, and support. To see the outpouring of people willing to minister was humbling.

I also discovered that I needed the advice and counsel of godly people as I dealt with Mom's illness. My brother and I were faced with decisions regarding Mom's care and it was beneficial to call upon close friends, pastors, and family members for support. Their encouragement and prayers equipped us to make those decisions.

I struggled with how much I should share my experience with others. Yet as I allowed others to see my need and emotional struggle, they were enabled to minister strength and support.

Discover the Joy of Rest
In dealing with the emotional issues of the illness, I discovered that I needed more rest, to relieve both physical and spiritual fatigue. I needed more sleep than before. I had to get more physical rest or I found myself emotionally and spiritually weary.

I discovered that my worship times, both privately and with the church, gained more significance. Worship gave me a better perspective. Worship drew my attention from myself and from the situation allowed me to focus on the all powerful God of creation. I needed the spiritual recharge and renewal that worship brought to life.

Sometimes in the instance of terminal illness we respond by wanting to withdraw. However, those times with God and with the worshiping church gave to me the spiritual boost I needed. Physical and spiritual renewal were critical for my long-term emotional heath as I coped with the illness.

Experience God More Acutely
The intensity of the situation with my mother drew me to a deeper and fuller experience with God than I ever had before. God became more real, His strength was present, and His comfort was tangible. Peter wrote "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" (I Pet. 5:7). I discovered in my life's darkest hour that God really does care for me, and He carried me through. I had the honor of preaching at my mother's memorial service. I never would have dreamed that I would have had the emotional strength and the spiritual resources to do such a thing. However, God gave what was needed most in that situation. When I was at my weakest, God was at His strongest.

Keep an Eternal Perspective
During the three months of chemotherapy, everyone in the family followed my mother's example. She believed the treatment would be effective and her life would be extended. We had hope in the therapy and the doctors. When her condition worsened and she was hospitalized for the last time, we realized healing would not take place in this world. However, that is when my mother's hope shined the brightest. Because of her relationship with Jesus Christ, she knew the truth of Jesus' words: "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me will live, even though he dies" (John 11:25).

In those dark hours we realized that Mom's life was more than her earthly years. There is more to our existence than physical breath. For believers, Christ prepares an eternal home in glory with Him. With this hope, terminal illness is only temporary. Our hope is eternal. When terminal illness came to my home, God's activity was also present. Through it all, God imparted grace, strength, hope, and love sufficient for me and my family. My mother struggled with illness but now lives in the presence of God without the touch of anything terminal. Through the process, God was a hope to my mother, a strength to me, and the Father of all comfort to us all.