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I don't believe God gave my kid cancer, I don't believe that God only gives us things we can handle and I don't believe I have all the answers. However, I do feel like I have been touched by the Hand of God. In 48 hours I was told my beautiful, completely normal only child had a brain tumor, it was cancer and she was completely disabled. My pain was almost unbearable. However, I was given so much to be thankful for- my job was spectacular, my family was ever present, my friends were consistent, and much more. During this past 14 months my faith has become stronger- not because my child might die, but because of the resilience of life, the splendor of a child's laugh, the goodness in the heart of people. Perhaps this is because, I did consider the alternative as a possible acceptable solution, and had the means to carry it out. Some find it too difficult to listen to the journey to hell and what is on the dark side. However, I had two amazing people that I consider my guardian angels (Robb and Dave) who were with me every step of the way and did not back abandon me even in the darkest corners- and the only thing they did was listen. I was told I would never be alone. I guess the "secret" that I have found is that two of the greatest desires is to be really heard and not be abandoned- and I can do this. This does not mean that I will let my child be used to show others how lucky they are or any other similar garbage. It is ironic that those going through the experience have to be the guides and the strong ones. To me it is like in the beginning of treatment when people say "I want to do something but I don't know what to do"- well, I had a list for them- from returning library books, to taking the cat to the vet, to getting videos, to bringing in food to the hospital. To me, this is an extension of the same phenomenon. People want to be connected in some way- sometimes to try to make the kids feel better, but often to make themselves feel better- and it is often our job to redefine and redirect this attempt. At other times the attempt is misplaced but sincere and a simple thank you or I understand will suffice. And sometimes- the most important times- it is a cry for help and the person needs a shoulder to lean on. Even if I go through dozens of the former, I never want to miss that latter- who knows if I wasn't given someone to answer my cries - I might not be here. And thus, yes, I was very fortunate to be touched by the hand of God. 
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